Today I am getting my house and yard clean and tidy. My house being messy causes me anxiety and when I am home I like to relax. My husband has been backpacking the last four days and is coming home today. I have been working my butt off to entertain two children and wear them down to assure that I have nice tired children in the evening. Once my husband is home I will be able to better focus on a better me. I start fresh tomorrow I am excited! If you count cleaning and cleansing my house then I kind of start today. Healthy diet, exercise, positivity, maintaining friendships and setting a good example for my children. I am going to make over my life for the sake of happiness.
I suffer from major depression. I will say that I am happy most of the time and that is due to my wonderful antidepressants that allow me to be myself. They can only do so much I think you need to meet them halfway. I have tried taking meds and just sitting on the couch eating junk food just waiting for the magic of Wellbutrin to transform me it doesn't work. The last thing I want to do is go to the gym but once those endorphins start flowing I feel great. Bodies do not like or need junk food for fuel and it feels good to eat junk once in a while (mmm french fries) but it catches up with me after a while. Meds + endorphins + healthy food = happy me.
Just to get this off of my chest it really irritates me when people when people rely on something to do all the work and solve all of their problems, example: God. I don't think God works like a magician and just poof you get just what you need. I think if God wanted to solve everything he would have made us mindless drones. You can't just walk out into the woods and pray for shelter and just sit there. Pitch a fucking tent. Sorry just a pet peeve of mine. I going to limit myself only one rant per blog.
I suffer from a combination of low self esteem and high expectations. I look at pictures of myself and then obsessing about how I look in the picture. I try to deny it saying "that is not what I look like." True there is such a thing as a bad picture but if you took 100 pictures of me I would maybe like one of them. It drives my husband crazy he hates when I am depressed from seeing a picture of myself to the point where he doesn't want to take my picture because he knows I will hate it. I don't want it to be like that. Here is where meeting half way comes in again, I need to make myself look the best I can and then accept it and love it.
I am not going on a diet. I am eating healthy food in healthy portions. I don't believe in the philosophy of you can eat what ever you want as long as it is in a small portions. If you can be satisfied on 1/4 the of a slice Lasagna good for you I would be hungry again in an hour besides I have no self control in that regard. If I am going to eat something fattening I am going to eat more that a tiny tiny little bite of it. Therefore I am going to eat things that I can eat in volume. I am kind of on the right track considering I don't like to eat frozen, processed, canned, chemical ridden food. I don't like it and I don't like feeding to people I love. I am going to make healthy food taste so good we wont even miss fat. I will however miss white starchy food. I love white starches.
I am going to start off at the gym with Body Pump classes three days a week and 30 minutes of cardio 2 days a week. Once I get going I am going to add such as a quick 15 minutes on the elliptical after my Pump class and I would like to add a bike ride once a day if even just a short distance. I want to try a cardio kick class at Paul Derda Rec Center because it is supposed to be a great fun hour of cardio and I am not very good at cardio, it bores me. Maybe some Michael Jackson experience with the kids...I am out of control! Baby steps. Baby steps.
I love exercise but once I get derailed it takes forever to make myself to get back to the gym. I don't know why it is so hard to go back. I am coming off of an 8 week break and I was really into working out I felt better than I had ever felt in my life. Now I cant fit into my shorts. There is my motivation right there.
I have set a date, made my goals I need to get my food and menu figured out. I am so excited!
My BMI is 27.5
I wear a size Large or Medium top
6-8 pants/jeans
10-14 dress
I am not ready to record weight but I will record my pounds lost.
